I should probably post something...

It has been a while and my life has been lame this week, so there is relatively little to report.

I have figured out why I am always so fit and trim, and never have to worry about getting fat. I sprint eat. I have started to notice that whenever I go out to eat with anyone I end up finishing in less than half the time they do and just end up staring at them and yelling at them to hurry up because i am bored. I am guessing I burn a lot more calories eating than most people. I don't skip any steps, i chew, i swallow, though I'm not sure I breath that regularly. I just do it all quickly. I've started keeping track over the past couple of days and found that I can eat a cheese steak sandwich in 3 minutes, a foot long meatball sub in 4, a bowl of ravioli in 3, 2 bowls of honey nut chex in 5, and a one pound bag of peanutbutter M&M's in about 8. Keep in mind this is all while holding conversations or working. I don't try to eat as fast as I can, I just don't pay attention to what I'm doing while I talk to people over a lunch and next thing I know I'm done. Maybe gnomes or squirles are stealing my food while i'm not paying attention.

Yes, my life is sad. I hope my friends stop wanting to be productive so I can actually go out and do something next week.

Quote of the day....

My mom made us grown up kids have an easter egg hunt. To entice to do so, she filled half the eggs with candy and the other half with money. She then hid the eggs and set us loose. After much running, pushing, screaming, stealing, fighting, and just general fun, we were done and brought our bounty forth to compare against the others.

My brother and I made out quite well on the financial front, my sister however, did not. Despite finding by far the most eggs, she could only manage 32 bucks. Which meant that she ended up with an enourmous pile of candy instead...prompting her to declare:

"You guys may have gotten all the money, but I shall have the fattest ass!"

Poetry Betty, pure poetry.

Morality...

Two wrongs don't make a right.

But maybe: n wrongs make 2^n rights.

In that case, the world gets exponentially better every time I club a baby seal. Where's my whacking stick?

It's a bleary dreary blustery day...

It is cold wet and rainy, so I give you the following selection:

I'm just a little black rain cloud
hovering under the honey tree,
Only a little black rain cloud,
pay no attention to little me.

Everyone knows that a rain cloud
never eats honey, no, not a nip.
I'm just floating around over the ground,
wondering where I will drip.

Now, If you would all be so kind as to open your umbrellas and walk around saying "Tut, Tut, It looks like rain."....I think the bees are starting to suspect something. I hate running from bees, your weapons are useless against them.

We live in a multi-cultural world...

Today at lunch I was pondering a social conundrum that plagues our global society:

Often in the U.S.A., Scotsmen spend a large amount of time declaring very emphatically "It's not a skirt, it's a kilt!". So, do American women traveling in Scotland have the inverse problem?

Another Dream Crushed....

The NFL has published a list of words that are not allowed to appear on the back of custom NFL jerseys.

I'm sure somewhere in the country a little boy named Jeffery Poontang, or Tommy Snatchpatch, or even Christopher Luckycammeltoe is crying because he found out that he will never be able to have an NFL jersey with his name on the back.

The true me has been exposed....

These online test are some gay ass shit...but this one got it right. (okcupid.com)

The Mixed Messenger
Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLDm)

Just...take...the...fucking...flower...darling. The Mixed Messenger apologizes again.

You're looking for love, but you'll always maintain your independence. You're prepared for a real commitment, but it's also likely that you're ambitious, which creates a certain romantic tension and ambivalence within you. So although you can be very affectionate to someone, you are also capable of pulling some dubious shit.

In a relationship, you're usually the emotional leader. With your friends, you're a little bit more part of the pack. You're well-liked but you're not the uninhibited type, so the spotlight's often on someone else. In both social and romantic situations, however, you almost always get what you want. Influencing people is something you do very well.


ALWAYS AVOID: The Playstation, The Peach

CONSIDER: The Priss