Back to Work....

It's Wednesday and I'm back at work. The worst part about going on vacation is that you have to readjust to not being on vacation when you get back. Not good for someone like me who has motivation issues to begin with. But I'll survive.

This past weekend I spent a few days in New Orleans. For those of you who have never been, it's a hole. It smells bad as soon as you step out into the air, and it is one of the few places on the globe where the five second rule does not apply, even in doors. Yet, I had a blast and would like to go back again in a few months.

Friday I did the obligatory, go out to bourbon street, drink a lot and bar crawl thing. Did a jello shot that came in a 60 mL syringe, had some good southern bourbon in a bar built in the 1700's and ended up in a Karaoke bar that really wasn't all that bad. There was however, far less nudity than cops, and the girls gone wild videos would lead you to believe.

Saturday I got up slowly, went back to bed, got back up, and headed out around noon. Ended up in Jackson Square, a historic park where people set up and sell their artwork. Some really quality stuff i'll have to go pick some up if i ever decide to decorate my apartment. Also saw some real street performers for the first time. If you ever go I recomend seeing the guys that paint themselves with metalic paint and do the robot thing, and the carribean acrobats. Also ate at the crescent city brew house...great burgers and fries for a simple mid day meal. That night I hung around the casino and ended up winning almost 27 bucks.....yeah, i know, i'm a high roller.

Sunday i went to the D-Day museum. it's kind of off the main strip as far as the rest of the city is concerned, but it is one of the best museums i've ever been to. And it has a ton of stuff to see. It took me three hours to do about half of it, and i was skimming most of the stuff toward the end. Lot's of good info on how the decision was made to invade normandy and how it went off, as well as all the equipment and what went wrong. also a good bit on the pacific theater (that is the half i didn't get to).

All in all a pretty good trip. and we stayed with a guy who lives in a condo in what used to be a cotton mill. great industrial architecture, with real turn of the century wood floors. A bit small for me to live in permanently and lacks a yard, but definitely cool to see and visit once.

that's about it for my trip. now i'm at work trying to sort out all of this protein interaction business, and got to do some fun genetics problem solving. going to go now and try to get back in the work mode.

Engineering at its Finest

this is satire, it didn't really happen. It is based on hearing several friends bitch about their jobs in engineering firms. You'll either get it or you won't.

Last week I was given a pen by an engineering firm that works on parts and tools for oil wells. I don't want to slander the name of this firm, so i'll make up a name that is very divergent so that no one will ever be able to guess what company I am talking about. I'll go with: shloomburjay.

Anyways, I was presented this pen in a very nice felt case that not only screamed elegance, but also hid the majority of the device so that I could make no judgement about the pen till after the company represented had departed.

After a conversation that ammounted to: "we have delivered you a tool, it is the best tool because we say so and can mathematically prove that, but won't because you are too stupid to understand. I will now leave you to use your tool as you please and you can call this person who had nothing to do with the design or testing of the tool if you have any problems. Please do not contact me, as I am only the sales person and can spout all kinds of neat propaganda about our tool but am completely useless when it comes to real discussion about its use and function." The representative then walked briskly away before I could ask any questions or check to see that the pen was actually what i had ordered or needed.

I then take out the pen and look at it. Everything seems to be there, it is the proper shape and size, has a nice grip, a clip to keep it on my shirt pocket and even a nifty little company monogram to remind me who I got it from. But then I took a closer look. This is the kind of pen you turn and the writing tip emerges from the end of pen. A functional design, but not as convenient as the simple click. however, with fewer parts and the absense of a spring it is probably more reliable so i'll let that one slide. The turning of the pen to expose the tip is not smooth however, there is a hitch to it and this bothers me. Also, the writing tip itself is gold, and the rest of the metal on the pen is silver. I was concerned so I immediately submitted a Request Of Non-compliance (ron). I was however over ruled since this was written off as a cosmetic flaw that would not affect the function. They are an engineering firm after all, and they were within one standard deviation of perfection which makes all flaws stastically irrelevant to them.

I am not pleased at this point, but not too terribly disgruntled, and all i wanted was to be able to fill out one those entry forms to win a free burrito at one of my favorite restaraunts and i was not going to let cosmetic defects stand between me and the sweet sweet nourishing joy of marinated meat, rice, cheese, and sour cream contained within a convenient edible wrap. So I decide I will use the pen. I twist the pen, put the tip to a sheet of paper and attempt to draw a line.....nothing. I try again....nothing. I call the contact number i was given for the tech support for the pen. I talk to an old weathered man who gave me the following sagely advice: "Did you try shaking the pen? Ok, now try licking the tip. That didn't work either? Try shaking it again." After numerous shakings of increasing force failed to remedy the situation i was told that they could send out a field rep to take a look for only 155 dollars an hour. When I balked at this I was assured that the pen was perfectly functional and that I shouldn't even think of using another pen designed by company with a proven reputation, the problem must be oporator error. I was informed that even though it does not say so in any of the documentation i recieved, this pen was only designed to work when perfectly perpendicular to paper and that tilting it in any way would completely abolish all function. The tech guy also said that he was aware that no one held a pen perfectly perpendicular to paper when writing, but that made the math easier for the designers so they made that assumption and told me that i should invest in their three day training class on how to hold a schlumberger (ooops....i mean shloomburjay) pen properly (only 15,000 dollars).

So at this point i am livid and demand to speak to a sustaining engineer or designer. After not being able to reach the engineer for days due to the fact that this company only employs one and then sends them off to meetings, classes, field visits, and chili cookoffs 75% of the time, i finally got a call back. I was told that the pen was indeed functional and had passed all testing (on the fifth time, after detonating twice, collapsing once, and poking someone's eye out once). The problem must have been with the third party paper. They said that they were aware that the paper made by 3M that i was using had incompatability issues and that they would be able to prove that too me, but that 3M was unwilling to share the specs of their paper (flat and white was not good enough for them). So ultimately i was told to keep the pen because it works, but the problem must be someone elses fault even though they can't prove it. In the mean time they would be happy to charge me to redesign a new pen to replace my free pen at only 55 dollars an hour plus materials, 80 hour minimum. I said no thanks and used a pen given to me buy a guy at a biotech vendor fair working for a cell biology company.

what is the moral here? engineers can tell you exactly how something is made down to the most excrutiating detail but not why something works or it doesn't. Biologist mix stuff that seems to work together and get something functional, they have no idea how or why, but it works and it gets the job done.

At this point you are either hunched over reading these last few lines through the tears streaming down your face from laughing so hard, in which case you are an engineer for a company like this. Or you have no idea what this random rant was about and want me to compenate you for the time you lost out of your life by reading this, in which case you are everyone else.

I'm either very glad you enjoyed it, or very sorry for wasting your time,

~blair

Odds and Ends

Now that my A-Exam is over I have no motivation and my life has no meaning, so there is little of interest for me to write here, but i'll just let you know what's going on in my world.

So an edit to post above: It really was that hard to find someone to do something with and to celebrate my not failing out. Katy must be native american for "complete absense of night life", it didn't help that it was an off day for the astros, and most people in houston seem to be boy-cotting the AL series due to the complete lack of pub the astros are getting in the national media. Oh well. I stayed in and played Fable, i'm currently in a slow spot so it's not the funnest at the moment, but besides the long wait times between scene changes I've been impressed with game. It's no final fantasy, but it is good.

This weekend i'm taking a road trip to new orleans, it will be my first time to visit "the drunken urinal on the mississippi" and should be fun. I'm usually not one for the drinking just to get drunk, but i'll probably do that this weekend, it's not like I need most of these brain cells any more.

yep, so that's about it, not the most exciting, but maybe i'll end up with some fun stories from NO for next week.

Showdown

Today was my A-Exam, the one last major obstacle between me and freedom to work exclusively on my thesis research. I had to stand in a room across from two members of my committee and my advisor. It's an odd sort of feeling, you respect them and they want you to do well, but for the next little while it is an intellectual melee and you can do nothing but take your lumps and hold on till the ride is over. And don't think that I could have studied even more and out gunned them; these are experienced men whose rhetoric is lined with lessons they have learned, and whose faces are lined with scars they earned while learning them.

I fared relatively well. I got taken out behind the woodshed over a couple of methods they felt I should have known, but most of the general biology questions I was prepared for (thanks in no small part to the advice given by the upperclassmen in my lab). Nothing left but a few short pages to write on the topics they thought I should have known. After that I'll be in the clear.

Now all I have to do is find a way to celebrate. I'm sure there will be a happy hour somewhere with my name on it. And i'll have plenty of company, because I am, afterall, a Deadly Handsome Man.

Do you have any last requests?

So if you are not mathematically inclined and can't figure out exactly how much time has passed since my last post, let me help you out....a lot.

I'm going to try and be a little bit better about this. Everyone needs a diary (or journal for manly men like me) of some sort. Theraputic and all, and I need all the psychological help I can get at this point. But like most promises I make, this too may prove to be empty and go unfulfilled...we'll see.

So, on to my current life. Or maybe its imminent and very abrupt ending. Tommorrow is my Admission to Candidacy Exam (or La Raping de Anus for you friends from south of the border). It is basically a rapid fire oral examination where I stand in front of table and my committee asks me any question they feel like for several hours. I'm am using using my gift of hyperbole to make this seem a bit more horrid and interesting. If I were totally unperpared it may be so bad, but the truth is I posess an intellect that is rivaled by none so I'll be fine. (oh yeah, and I am the most modest person ever)

So after this exam is all done, i'll finally get to enjoy the baseball playoffs and the beginning of the basketball season without these trival distractions of work and such. Life will be good. I'll try and post how I did in my exam in a couple of days if I don't over do the celebrating being done.

~blair

Random thought: Coming in today there was a Ford Focus with the alarm going off. Isn't this like leaving a jar of Mayo out in the sun for three weeks and then placing a note on it that says "please do not eat"? Is there really that much of a risk of either being absconded with? Nothing I hate more than a pretentious Ford Focus owner.