To the guy in the gym locker room:

Dear Sir,

I encountered you in the locker room of the gym we both are members of over the weekend. Due to your behaviour, I feel it necessary to inform you of the rules of Men's Locker Room Etiquette.

First off, just because you are in a locker room and showering occurs, you ARE NOT required to walk around completely naked all the time. Especially in high traffic areas. This offense was even more egregious because you are about 50 years old, only about 5 and a half feet tall, and covered in very nappy hair. It was only after first deciding that you were not, in fact, an ewok that i realized how horrid the situation was. Having to press myself against the wall and inch sideways so as not to come in contact with your nude body while getting to my locker was a major inconvenience.

Secondly, just becuase we go to the same gym, and happened to be there at the same time one day, does not mean I want to be your friend. There is no reason for you to come up and try to talk to me. Particularly not while naked. I don't care that your bum knee was acting up today, and there is no reason for you to try to draw any attention to an area below the waist while not wearing pants.

Lastly, even if you are naked and trying to make friends with strangers, wiping your genetalia with your bare hand immediately before extending that hand for a hand shake is not the way to win people over. I hope you were able to fully appreciate the look of utter disgust and disdain i gave you while ignoring your friendly gesture.

I ask you immediately cease and desist with all such actions. Otherwise, I will be forced to very openly and loudy mock and ridicule you infront of many strangers until you must remain at home in your pool of shame.