Perfection....
I went and saw A Very Long Engagement last night. A very good movie that reminded me what the qualities of a perfect woman are.
1) Don't speak english: I don't have to prentend like i know what she is talking about and no matter what she says I can reply with "why yes honey, you may pleasure me now, thanks for asking". Also, I can program INS into the speed dial and threaten to call any time she refuses any directive.
2)Gimpy: In the movie the girl had polio, but i'd settle for any other hobbling disease or birth defect. This affords you the ability to beat her as much as you want and always blame the black eye, concussion, or chipped tooth on falling because she doesn't walk so well on her own.
3)An orphan of very rich parents. She has tons of money but you have no inlaws to answer to.
4)lives out in the country, where laws don't always apply.
5)No friends. don't want anyone else looking out for her "best interest"
Yeah, those are the qualities of a good woman. I think i'm going to head down to the border and see if I can fish me one out of the river before the Federales keel haul her or gun her down on the far bank. Bless you Texas with your wide open poorly patroled borders to third-world country.
posted by B @ 10:38 AM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Hopefully you get one with a tummy full of heroine condoms!!!
I prefer a tummy full of crack condoms, the heroine is for the massive breast inplants. Nothing like sniffing nipples for a good high.
Anything to do with sex and fix me dinner...and...uh...clean my socks. Yeah, that's about it.
Did you see that news story about con artists (I first typed "artits"...freudian slip that almost gave away the ending...) in France I think...these topless chicks would approach tourists (men) and encourage them to lick their nipples for shits and giggles. Unfortunately, their nipples were laced with some kind of chemical that would knock these guys out. Then these men would swoop in and rob them.
Tragifunny story...if you think about these guys (surely the types of tourists who show up to places wearing bermuda shirts, shorts and socks pulled up to their knees inside open-toed sandals) having to explain how they got robbed to their wives.
wow. I didn't know that the best time to find an orphaned heiress is when she's trying to illegally cross the border... you're good.
And here I've been, in the grocery store, trying to snag me an old on the verge of death oil tycoon... are they in the river as well? I needs must get me some wading boots.
U R Smrt!
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