Guess the Gift...

Ok everyone, I am getting a gift for Christmas from a friend, but i have been informed that I am not allowed to know what it is. I have however asked several indirect questions that hint at its identity. But I am stupid and have not been able to piece together exactly what I am getting. So, I am enlisting your help. Here are the questions and the answers I recieved, make your best guess.

Q: Is it big?
A: Big is a relative term.

Q: It is not a puppy?
A: No, I did not mail order you a puppy.

Q: Would a badger eat it?
A: Only a very confused badger.

Q: Is it thermal sensitive?
A: Only to the extent that most things are.

Q: If you used it to smash a frog would it still be functional?
A: Yes, but covered in frog parts.

Q: To use it, is it better to be dumb as an ape or smart as a chimp?
A: I bought it for a smart guy.

Q: Is it dainty?
A: No.

Q: Is it more like a cucumber or an ardvark?
A: Umm, Cucumber.

that is all for now, i guess that makes it pretty obvious, but if i come up with anything more, i'll post it here.