Things I have learned about myself from going to the zoo...

I have earflaps and not holes in my head, so i may be a sealion but not a seal.

Sealions eat 20 p0unds of food a day and are in the water for 20 hours. Their time management must be great, i'm not sure I'd be able to eat 20 pounds of food fast enough to go swimming for 20 hours.

I must smell juicy and delicious, because when i walk by a lion or tiger area, they come down from their resting area and pace the ground near me.

Spotted cats are cooler than striped ones.

It is way too difficult for a giraffe to do almost anything (sit down, stand up, drink from a bucket)...if i were a giraffe, my laziness would lead to my death.

The bigger a piranah is, the cooler i find it.

I want to live at the zoo, but only in a part far from the birds and upwind from the smells.

I were to live at the zoo, i'd be in a cage marked "North American Feeloader", and the staff would have to feed and entertain me four times a day.

Monkeys don't like me, but the apes seem rather indifferent.